Thoughts, Gripes and Plenty of Ramblin'

Yesterday afternoon, I received the following text message from my friend Dave (the Snook Report):

You just got pwned on my blog

Dave was referencing an ongoing conversation we’ve had for a very long time about the funniness or lack thereof when it comes to Mr. Will Ferrell. This topic seems to always lead to Dave espousing his views on the non-hilarity of Will and somehow always ends up in a discussion about Judd Apatow.

As you may have guessed, Dave is not a fan of Judd’s either. He says his comedy is worse than the lowest common denominator, in fact it is completely devoid of any cerebral activity.

On Dave’s website yesterday, he made his case for why Will Ferrell is not funny. I encourage you to read it, but I’ll give you the Cliffs Notes version:

Will’s films don’t do well at the box office therefore he is not funny.

Obviously two things are up for discussion here: What does doing well at the box office entail and how does one prove what or whom is funny?

I would first like to say that Dave used the Top 4 Grossing Comedies of all time as his frame of reference (why he went with 4, not 5, I have no idea). Well, there is one small flaw here. How many of the thousands of Comedies that have graced the Silver Screen can compete with those Top 4 Box Office draws? Well, frankly none. Therefore using the Snook Report’s logic, there are only 4 funny people in the world. Eddie Murphy, Macaulay Culkin, Dustin Hoffman and Mel Brooks.

It seems to me that not everyone that is funny makes $400 Million at the Box Office. For instance, I think Dave is a pretty funny guy, but I know he hasn’t made a dime off his humor. I actually got paid a few times to make people laugh back in Michigan… does making $50 for 20 minutes of work make me funny? Not according to Dave. I’m still over $399 Million short.

To give everyone a frame of reference here, Dave’s favorite comedy film of all time is Arthur. You know, I have nothing against the late Dudley Moore. Arthur is in fact a nice little comedy for it’s time (1981), but to say that is one of the greatest comedies of all time is stretching it just a bit.

I did a little number investigating of my own. Arthur made $81 Million at the box office. Taking into account the year in which it was released and the other films that made over $80 Million at that time, Arthur would not have made it into the Top 25 Comedies of all time.

Looking at all the money that Dudley Moore brought in over his movie career, $364 Million, he still falls well short of the Top 4 Funniest.

Just to give you some perspective, Will Ferrell movies have made $1.7 Billion Domestically and $2.3 Billion Worldwide. Mr. Apatow as a Writer/Director/Producer came in at $1.1 Billion.

The reality of the situation is, it all comes down to personal tastes. I know tons of people love Monty Python, but it really doesn’t do it for me. I didn’t grow up watching them and never got into it. It reminds me of how in love with Star Wars a lot of people my age are. I wasn’t allowed to see movies when I was a kid, so Star Wars doesn’t hold a special place in my life like it did for others. I just saw E.T. for the first time a year ago for crying out loud, but people my age loved that movie. I don’t get it. It’s cute and all, but I missed the window for it being amazing to me.

In my opinion Dave is an “old soul” and enjoys “the good ol’ days” especially when it comes to movies & music (and everything else really). There is nothing wrong with that, but I tend to be a “young at heart” kind of a guy. I really enjoy most Pop music and edgy, youthful comedies. I’m not against the old stuff. I would say two of my all time favorite funny movies are Caddyshack & Animal House. Classics without a doubt.

The funny thing is, I don’t think of Will or Judd Apatow as comedic geniuses, but I can’t deny they are successful and make me laugh a lot. At the end of the day, you either like Will Ferrell or you don’t. You cannot prove whether or not he is funny. I think millions of people disagree with Dave on his comedic evaluation of Ferrell/Apatow, but everyone is allowed to have their own opinion… even when it’s wrong.

So on that note, I would like to let Dave that he has now been officially PWNED!

Warning: there is some bleeped out language, if that bothers you, you won’t find this funny… and that’s sad.

Keep ‘em comin’…

Whilst listening to sports talk radio from my old stomping grounds the other day, I just so happened to tune in during a rather interesting discussion.

The afternoon guys on 97.1 the Ticket, Valenti & Foster, were complaining as they usually do about the topic du jour which usually has nothing to do with sports. On this day the topic was fat people on airplanes.

Terry Foster, who used to be a frequent traveler as a sports columnist for one of the local newspapers, told all his “horror” stories of having to sick next to “fatty” on his trips around the country. Mike Valenti, the master complainer and eternal pessimist, threw out all the cliches of how fat people smell and sweat and breath heavy and generally don’t deserve to live in the same atmosphere as his large ego.

After they both had a chance to rant, they opened it up to callers. Let me just say, that sports talk radio is a haven for the grumblers, complainers and chronically crabby in Detroit (and other places I’m sure).

As the calls began to come in, there was not much tolerance for the pleasantly plump, much less the morbidly obese. People were saying that those “chunky” individuals shouldn’t even be allowed on the plane. The best thing I heard was putting a seat in the terminal before boarding and if you couldn’t fit in the seat, you couldn’t fly.

Let me just say, I’m not against being charged for two seats if I don’t fit in one. I’m okay with the reality that planes are not made for “people of size” as I once heard us referred to. To say that people that are bigger shouldn’t be allowed to fly is ridiculous. If we’re willing to pay more to fly, then there should be no reason to deny us a ride on your fancy aero-plane.

If these Airlines had any sense at all, they would cater to larger people. Instead they continually make the seats smaller and smaller. I would venture a guess and say most people are uncomfortable flying the friendly skies.

One last thing I have to say is this, I realize that being overweight is not ideal. I don’t want to be the way I am and it’s a constant struggle, but telling me that I shouldn’t be allowed to fly on a plane doesn’t motivate me to change… it just pisses me off that people actually are that stupid.

We’re people too, there’s just more of us to love.

As someone who really enjoys watching sports, I’ve officially entered one sport territory until the Fall.

Hockey has always been my first love, but over the past 10 years or so, Football has inched closer and closer to the top. It’s tough for me to admit that, because I like being different. Being an NHL fan is different, let me tell ya’. I’m definitely in the minority when it comes to the being a fan of the NHL.

At this point in the year, the Superbowl has capped off another NFL season and all the Bowl games for NCAA are long gone, so now the NHL can have my undivided attention (except for the NFL Draft… the Detroit Lion’s Superbowl).

The NHL trade deadline & the playoffs are my favorite time of the year. Once the playoffs start, there is hockey every night… oh wait, there used to be hockey every night, but the Commissioner of the NHL, Gary Bettman, toyed with that a bit to appease his hockey flagship, Versus.

So, let’s start again… the playoffs are on quite a few nights during the week on Versus. The only problem is, I have DIRECTV (which I love) and right now they’re in a bit of a squabble with Versus. Did I mention that Versus was owned by Comcast? Yes, the same Comcast that probably would like nothing more than to crush DIRECTV and continue to monopolize TV all over the US (Google it people… they own everything).

The good news is, this little tiff can’t last much longer right? I mean, they took Versus off DIRECTV in October, so they should have this whole thing worked out before the playoffs, right? I mean, Gary Bettman would obviously get these two in a room and work this out by then, I’m sure he’s already tried, right? Oh, he hasn’t? Hm, I wonder why?

Did I mention that Comcast, which owns Versus, also owns the Philadelphia Flyers of the NHL? Yup, they sure do. Gary Bettman just so happens to work for the NHL owners, all 30 of them. Maybe he doesn’t want to make his boss upset. Well, that’s just silly. There’s no way that Gary would disenfranchise all those fans that have DIRECTV just because Comcast, who owns Versus and the Philadelphia Flyers, can’t play nice.

Did I mention that Comcast now owns NBC? NBC is the only network that would even put the NHL on real tv (no offense cable/satellite providers). I’m sure NBC paid a lot of money though… wait, did I mention that they didn’t pay anything to air the NHL on NBC? Yeah, not a dime.

So, let’s see if we can figure this out. The commissioner of the NHL, Gary Bettman, has two partners that show NHL games on a national level… Versus & NBC. Comcast owns Versus & NBC. Comcast doesn’t want you to watch satellite tv, because it costs them money (plus you’ll see how amazing HD is on DIRECTV). Comcast – I mean – Versus wants more money from DIRECTV to have Versus in there channel lineup. I’m sure the negotiations went something like this…

DIRECTV: “Okay, let’s see what you have to offer us, I’m sure we can work something out.”

Versus: “We have the NHL, MMA, racing, the Bull Riding and Sports Soup.”

DIRECTV: “Wow! You guys have the UFC?!? People pay big bucks to watch that stuff. Mixed Martial Arts is really gaining in popularity.”

Versus: “Well, we actually have the WEC, kind of like the minor leagues of the UFC.”

DIRECTV: “Well, you do have NASCAR and that sport really has a great following.”

Versus: “Let me stop you right there, we actually have Indy Car Racing – but we also have cycling. We cover that Tour de France thingy too.”

DIRECTV: “Hmmmm…”

Versus: “We also have college football now!”

DIRECTV: “That sounds good, tell me more.”

Versus: “We broadcast Mountain West Conference games, like Brigham Young, Colorado State, University of New Mexico, Air Force and U of N.”

DIRECTV: “Well U of M has a big following, that might be good.”

Versus: “Nope, I said ‘N’ not ‘M’ as in the University of Nevada. Did I mention we have the NHL and Sports Soup?”

DIRECTV: “Yes, yes you did. I think we actually might be paying you too much.”

The long and the short of it is, the main people in charge of the NHL are total idiots. Not just because they have allowed Comcast to stop millions of potential viewers from watching the NHL nationally, but because they have no idea how to market and grow this game.

If I really wanted to be good at something, I would study and emulate someone who was really good at that something. When it comes to running sports leagues, there is no one who does it better than the NFL. I’m sure Gary could give Roger Goodell a ring or even send him an email and pick his brain a bit. Heck, even if he met with the marketing team or former NFL insiders, anything that could help him see how to market the game of hockey.

This whole Versus/DIRECTV is just another blunder in a long line of screw-ups that the NHL has managed to pull off for many years. They’re a distant 4th in professional sports and nobody cares about the game. Even in Hockey Meccas, like Detroit, sports talk radio stations like 97.1 the Ticket barely utter a word about hockey during their drive-time show, Valenti & Foster.

Somebody… anybody with any influence whatsoever in the NHL. Please listen to your fans. You are doing a horrible job and some, if not all of your die-hard fans just might have some good ideas for you.

Until then I’ll keep my fingers crossed that DIRECTV & Comcast can work something out before mid-April… if history is any indication, I may have to become a fan of baseball. I think I just fell asleep even thinking about that.

I know that I’m late to the party on this one, but I wanted to write a quick note on the Pixar movie, UP. There’s no doubt a lot of you have seen this little flick, which just so happens to be nominated for an Oscar this year for Best Picture.

The first twenty minutes or so are amazingly emotional. If you are or have ever been in love I can guarantee that you’ll be touched by it.

I won’t go into detail about the movie, but I will tell you that it reminded me once again that life goes by so fast. It seems like just yesterday that I fell in love with Cheryl… in reality, it’s been over twenty years.

If you’ve got some time this weekend, get the DVD or download it from iTunes and let me know what you think.

As you may or may not know, I am a bit of a TV connoisseur. To me the DVR makes it possible for me to enjoy the smorgasbord of television shows available. Some of you may be book junkies, some may be outdoor or adventure junkies, but I am a TV junkie.

Sad, I know.

That being said, one of my favorite genres of TV has to be Reality TV. Yes, I hear the groans and I can even see the disapproving glances and eye rolling, but nevertheless, I have admitted this on more than one occasion and I’m not going to deny it now.

To me it seems that you’ve got a few different ways of going about this whole Reality TV business…

You can go the easy route and put a bunch of strangers (or celebrities) in a great house filled with booze and let the cameras roll (MTV’s Real World, RWRR Challenge, Jersey Shore), put up some money and let people battle it out and sell their souls for the grand prize (Survivor, Big Brother) or these horrible dating shows (the Bachelor, Rock of Love, etc.).

I also think there is another genre that, for me, plays on the emotions a bit more (the Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover Home Edition). There is one show in particular right now that just gets to me every time I watch it… Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

As someone who struggles with my own addictions (I personally think everyone is addicted to something), seeing these people struggle with drug and alcohol addiction tears me up. My heart breaks for them. My first reaction is to pray for them even though the show was shot months ago. I know that they are trying to fill a hole inside them that can only be filled by God.

It is a little strange for someone to go through detox and try to achieve sobriety while being filmed, but what all of these Reality TV shows come down in my mind is that we can all identify.

We love watching the Omarosa’s of the world because they remind us of another pushy, annoying person in our lives. We enjoy watching contestants on the Biggest Loser shed the pounds because it inspires us. In the same way, we can see a little bit of our own struggles in the addiction of others.

So while some may find Reality TV and TV in general as a waste of time, it doesn’t necessarily rot your brains. It might even inspire you to do get up off the couch and do something.

www.ramblinscotzman.com

As silly as this may seem to some people, I am so excited to see this movie…

April 23, 2010