Thoughts, Gripes and Plenty of Ramblin'

Warning: there is some bleeped out language, if that bothers you, you won’t find this funny… and that’s sad.

Keep ‘em comin’…

When I was just a young lad, I used to attend Bair Lake Bible Camp. I was reminded of my times there this morning as my eyes opened because today is my birthday.

Why does Summer Camp remind me of my birthday as we sit smack dab in the middle of Winter? Because every Summer some of the lucky little children at camp – even some of the counselors and staff – had birthdays.

We would all gather in the “mess hall” for our three daily meals and at some point we would sing the camp version of “Happy Birthday,” that resembled the song you saw slaves on a ship sing while the Roman soldiers whipped them to make them row faster… the words went something like this:

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Aw-oh-oh-oh
Happy Birthday

O’ Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Aw-oh-oh-oh
Happy Birthday

One year older and…
Closer to DEATH! (everyone slaps hands on the tables!)

Happy Birthday
O’ Happy Birthday

What the heck were they teaching us at that Bible Camp?!? It was pretty funny back then, not as funny today.

So enjoy each day, because each one brings you closer to DEATH (SLAP)!

Hopefully you feel as inspired as I do…

The Internet… cyberspace, the information super-highway, the web, the net or Al Gore’s computer thingy.

I remember the first time I jumped on the internet on our little Mac LC II. It came with the famous AOL software and after I found a local dial-up number through my trusty 33.6 Modem, I was on the information super-highway. Back in those days it took a while to see web pages, but it was exciting nonetheless.

Now we have wireless internet, internet on our phones, in our cars, on our gaming systems, on our TV’s, you name it and I’m sure it can connect to the internet somehow.

Plus, the speeds at which we connect are amazing. I know some of us still have been known to shout out, “this is taking forever!” but overall we’ve got instant access to any information we can think of. For someone like me, this is a blessing and a curse.

Tell me if this has ever happened to you:

You are watching TV, reading or listening to music when something pops into your head that you want to research, discover or buy somewhere out there on the mighty worldwide web. You jump on your computer with the express purpose of finding/buying/discovering said information.

Once you’re on the computer I’m sure you have multiple pages open already or have applications running with email, etc. waiting for you, not to mention FaceBook, Twitter or some other social networking site. But remember you got on the computer for specific information, you need to focus. Then you hear that pleasant sound… Bling! New email! I just have to check my email, it will only take me a minute.

As you read through emails from your closest, dearest friends that need to tell you very important things like why you shouldn’t be on your cell phone while driving or filling up your gas tank, how someone they know emailed Microsoft this letter and got paid thousands of dollars or why you need to boycott Wal Mart, you realize you have forgotten why you got on in the first place. No worries, it will come back to you.

Since you’re already on the computer, you might as well see what’s going on in the world. You check your favorite news organization’s web site and as you look through some of the stories that interest you, you feel compelled to comment/argue with other readers. As you read another story or see a picture or highlight from your favorite sports team, it sends your mind on another track, which leads to another website.

The next thing you know, you’re spouse calls to you from another room, “Are you still on that computer?” or “Are you coming to bed?” or “See you in the morning.” To which you respond with all sincerity, “I’m almost finished.” or “I’ll be up in a minute.” or “See you in the morning.” Either way, your intent was never to stay on the computer all night, but somehow you are drawn to research more, find that bargain, friend request a high school classmate or make your point on a message board.

At some point you look at the clock on your computer and have to make a decision. Soon you will be in the danger zone. You must remember what started this cyberspace pilgrimage. “It will come to me,” you say. But then another ad on the side of a page sparks a thought, a friend sends you another important email or worse yet, someone wants to chat with you. You thought you were invisible, too late now. How do you get out of this one. This is worse than the dreaded stop & chat on the street or in the grocery store. Finding a way out on web chat is more difficult.

You finally remember what you wanted to look at in the first place. While you navigate to your destination you still have your chat buddy asking you what you’ve been up to and how you need to “hang out,” soon.

At this point you are past the danger zone and realizing that you are only going to get a few hours of sleep. You can either shut everything down now and hope that your nap-like hours of sleep will suffice or you make the choice only someone as sleep deprived and desperate as you can make… stay up all night. This is always a bad idea. The morning version of you would never go for it, but the night guy thinks it is a great idea. “Night guy” would never sleep if it weren’t for “morning guy.”

As you hear your wife’s alarm going off, you begin to survey the decisions that “night guy” made. You wonder why “night guy” would betray you like this. Then “night guy” reminds you that you did all this to see how much you could save on auto insurance.

The good news is as you head into work to drink copious amounts of coffee and pray you don’t fall asleep in that big meeting, you realize there’s a good chance you can continue your internet pilgrimage on your work computer. There will be at least a few hours of surfing available to you throughout the day. But I can guarantee one thing, when 5:00 comes there is no way “work guy” will talk “home guy” or “night guy” into staying.

All that being said, I love the internet. Without it we’d get too much done at work, have to call Movie Phone, actually go to the store, talk to people and depend on the United States Postal Service.

Thank you Al Gore. You’ve done a wonderful thing here. Don’t let anybody tell you differently.